Give My Heart a Break

Well. I thought I would do an update on my heart. I still miss Cody everyday. I seriously think about him all the time. I want to learn to let go of him and move on but its really hard for me. Harder than anyone would think. I haven't talked to him in over a month. I texted him and asked him somethings about our relationship but he just texted back and freaked out on my and saying all these horrible things about me. I don't know or understand why all my relationships end up like this, but its clearly all my fault. When I see that hes online on facebook my heart skips a beat and then I realize its all over between us and makes me want to cry. It takes almost everything I have to not text him or call him sometimes but it  is for the best. I am tired of caring for someone who doesn't care about me back. Its just hurtful.

I thought I would give a run down of everything that has happened with my heart since I got to college. Here goes. The boy I mentioned before, who I met at orientation, him and his girlfriend broke up again right before school and we were talking and hanging out a lot when we got here. It really seemed like he might like me and out of the depths of my sorrows and pain I thought I had started to like him too. We spent a lot of time together and I thought we were gonna be friends for a long time. I had told him so much of what happened to me and what  I had been through and he was going through the same thing and it just seemed like we clicked you know? But I guess I wasn't paying much attention because as things went along he just kept getting shadier and shadier till one day he just quit talking to me and we never talked again. Imagine what it was like for me to just be dumped and then get my hopes up and get dumped, in a way, again. WOW. What a d bag. Like really. All he did was lead me on to drop me for the next bitch walking down the road. I see him from time to time and get this, I see him hanging out with his ex girlfriend all the time, HA. After he talked so much shit about her and saying how shes psycho and stupid and how he hates her and then he takes her back? You re cool bro. No, really. Hahhaha. You are such a tool for talking so much shit about her and then taking her back like nothing happened. I hope it works out for them, I'm not a mean person. No one deserves heartbreak and if they are meant to be, they will be!

After he quit talking to me, I really started focusing on my classes and hanging out with my roommate and her friends. That is until I met a new boy, Kellen. I met Kellen in my biology class. I came in and had skipped the class before, and I needed the notes from someone. I turned to the boy next to me and asked for his notes. Little did I know that we would become such good friends!! We have the same major so we help each other with our homework and studying. Its nice to have a study buddy. Things kind of changed a few Fridays ago though. We went out drinking and when we got back he confessed his love to me!! He told me he liked me a lot and was hoping one day we could be more than friends. The worst part is the next day he couldn't remember what he said and I could. It didn't make things awkward though. I don't let things ruin my relationships with people like that. But he wants more from me and I just don't think I can. I don't think I'm ready for another relationship. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to him because I cant fully give my heart to him because I am still not over Cody. I guess we will see what happens. That's pretty much my update!:)

sigh

Well this boy I met at orientation I started talking to. Turns out his girlfriend had just broken up with him too. We started  talking and stuff like all day everyday and were skyping each other and stuff. He told me he liked me a lot and I liked him too. Well I texted him today because he hadn't texted me all day. This is what he sends back like two hours later "Hows it going I talked it out with my girl things are better but we are still lunch mates". Like OUCH. How rude too. I feel like he just led me on if he was just going to work things out with her. And on top of that, he told me they had been on and off for two years. Really?? How long is it going to take you to realize its not going to workout! People change, but not that much and especially in like a week's time. He said they argued all the time and its just probably not going to get resolved. I know I don't sound very optimistic for them, but us Caps are realistic. Plus he was a Virgo, we are like a perfect love match!! Haha. But really get a load. I don't even think shes that cute. So for him to break up with her, then go for me, then back to her is kind of an ego smack. Like I'm not arrogant or anything, but I know I'm cuter than her lol. I sound so high on myself. 
I also got my tragus pierced today, it did not hurt at all! Whoever tells you it hurts must have low pain tolerance! I probably am not going to clean it until I get home from work tomorrow just because I don't have any liquid Dial soap, which is usually pretty great for cleaning piercings, FYI.
Well I'm going to take my bruised heart and go to bed now. *sigh*:(

A Little Bit Stronger?

Well it seemed as though I was doing okay with the whole break up, until today something really triggered some emotional pain. The night my boyfriend and I broke up I got in a huge fight with my sister, and thats what caused me to go see him. Well today, it was like the same thing happening all over again, my sister and I got into a fight. And it just triggered all of this emotional turmoil. I had to leave and I cried the whole way to Spokane, I just had to get out of there. No matter how much I tell myself I am okay, I am really not. It just doesnt hurt for a bit, but the pain comes with a vengeance. I just want to be happy again, back when me and my ex were happy and now we are grumpy and broken up. So although I seem to be getting stronger and doing okay, I really cannot tell because when the sadness comes, it comes strong. 

sad days

Well last night my ex called me and said he wanted to meet up and talk about things. He decided that we should meet for dinner at Red Lobster. So my hopes are all up. I get dressed and do my makeup all pretty and I go with my highest hopes. We talk about things and at first it seems like we might get back together. I told him I would want to if he did and thats when he crushed my heart again. He told me he was trying to choose between dating me and being single and that being single is what he wants. So I am not sure why he called me to have me meet him only to crush my heart even more. He says hr doesnt think he wants to be broken up forever but honestly, I cannot wait around my entire life for him to maybe change his mind to date me again. My head cant even wrap around the fact that we are broken up, so the sadness comes in bursts. :'(

Makeup Haul!! Mac and UD

Okay, so lately I have been on some kind of odd makeup buying spree (don't ask) and I am almost positive this is going to increase now that my latest relationship has come to a sad close. Things I bought this month were: UD Starlight Glitter Body Art, UD Creme Highlight in Wicked, UD Lickable Body Powder in Marshmallow, UD Naked Skin in 3.5, UD Feminine Palette, UD Smoked Palette, Mac Pro Palette (15 empty), Mac All That Glitters Eyeshadow, and Mac Viva La Glam Nicki Minaj. WHOA. I know, I'm crazy lately. So first I will show pics and swatch everything:)

 
Okay so all of these pictures are completely out of order but I am so horrible at arranging them I can't do it lol. And some are missing!! UGH. I guess I will just start talking about all of them even though it is all SO MESSED UP!! So the glitter body art kit is super fun. There is a picture of what I put on my sister, the glitter sparrow. This would be fun for Halloween or going out or to a concert or something:) I got it for like $12 on UD's sale page!:) I dont know if I would pay full price for it but I got it for like half off so I would say it would be fun then. 
I already did a post about the UD Feminine palette, and I really do love it. I think I got it for $12 as well. The colors are very soft and pretty. The swatches I tried to upload did not work:(
Smoked Palette!! I have not got to experiment yet but I am looking forward to it. I am so glad there are other colors besides black so that people can know smokey eye does not always mean straight up BLACK!!
I got the mac pro palette and the eyeshadow so that I could de-pot my current UD eyeshadows that way they take up less space. All that Glitters is a very light and shimmery shade and I like it:)
Nicki Minaj Viva La Glam... Hmmm. It is so hard to describe!! It is really like a watermelony neon pink lol. That is how I interpret it. I dont exactly know it it would even look good on me, but I like Nicki and I like the idea of bright so I was like why not. 
NAKED SKIN OMFG, I LOVEEEE love love this foundation. I have never been able to find a foundation that works good on me, and matches good. This one is soo perfect for me. It is a light medium coverage and It is soo amazing. You would really have to try it yourself:)
I got the creme highlight on sale as well and it is nice and shimmery goodness for highlighting cheeks and anything else you want a little glam on:)
I know this is pretty much a waste of a post but I thought I would share with all of you my weird obsession with make up hahah

Fifty Shades.

All right. So I read the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. don't really know what to think about it. If you don't know what it is, its pretty much this girl meets this rich CEO and likes him, then turns out to be some kind of dominatrix S&M kinda guy who likes that kinda thing. I am actually really mad at the ending because now I have to read the second book. Plus, as some sort of sick joke the universe is playing on me, the end of the book is pretty much what is happening to me right now. But I don't want to say anything as some sort of spoiler and my life isn't EXACTLY the same but same circumstance. It wasn't greatly written, a fast read, and now I have to read the second one to see what happens. I mean it was not a bad book, but at the same time it was not the greatest I have ever read. I recommend if you are into exotic and kinky sex/love stories.

#heartbreak

Yesterday the most horrible thing happened. My love broke my heart:( I had hopes for our future and I had hoped all the hard life circumstances wouldn't tear us apart, but they apparently did. There is a huge long story behind all of it but it boils down to us being at two different points in our lives, which to me isn't a very good reason because its just like saying sorry it got hard, I quit. I have hope for the future but I don't know how long one can hope for. My heart is shattered and all I want to do is cry. I don't want to go through life wondering what could have been between us. I just wish we would not have ended so soon. :(((